Do these things now to set yourself up for a less stressful divorce.
Divorce is a major life event. No doubt about it. And when you're in it, it's intense. You've got a lot of feelings and a lot on your mind. That's normal — it would be weird if you didn't. But you will make it through this, and you will be happy again.
Our culture teaches us that divorce is a failure. That's not true. It just means that your marriage has served its purpose and come to an end. You're not the first person to get divorced, and you're not alone. About half of all American adults are single, and a lot of those single people are happy.
This guide is for men just starting their divorce journey. Read through all five steps and take the ones that apply to your situation. There's also a free app — built specifically for men going through divorce — with a lot more where this came from.
Here's how to avoid the most common mistakes men make at the start of divorce. Stay calm, document everything, and protect yourself — without making things worse.
If you must meet, do it in a public place like a restaurant or coffee shop. This keeps things civil and prevents any false allegations of abuse that could work against you later.
Whether you initiated the divorce or your spouse did, you're probably feeling angry and hurt. Resist the temptation to send nasty texts, emails, or voicemails. Anything you say can and will be used against you — so keep your cool.
Treat your communication with your spouse like a business relationship. Stick to facts, focus on practical matters, and avoid emotional or accusatory language. Set and observe healthy boundaries.
If these are biological children you share with your spouse, they're 50% you and 50% her. When you trash her, you're kind of trashing them too. Don't do it.
Keep a "divorce journal" to track interactions with your spouse. Back up texts and emails, particularly those related to finances, property, or parenting. This record could be critical in supporting your case later.
Secure your financial documents, passwords, and sensitive information. Avoid making drastic financial changes like withdrawing large sums of money — these might look suspicious. In some states, unusual financial moves are prohibited once divorce is filed.
They're going through a major life event too. Give them time to adjust. Introducing someone new too early can also cause problems in negotiation, mediation, or court.
A divorce coach can guide you through the emotional, logistical, and strategic aspects of divorce. Having a coach often pays for itself through the money saved in legal costs.
Start your journey on the right foot: stay calm, avoid bad behavior, document interactions, and seek professional guidance.
Even if you don't plan to go to court, you need to know the laws that apply to your case — how property and parenting time are divided. These laws will shape your outcome no matter how you get there.
Many law firms will do initial consultations for free or for a nominal fee. Talk to several. Always talk to a lawyer before you move out of your marital home or divide up parenting time.
Take time to review proposals with your lawyer and ensure they align with your long-term goals. Don't agree to things just because you want to "get it over with" or because you still feel protective of your spouse.
If you retain a lawyer, choose one who shares your values, explains the law in ways you understand, and listens to what you have to say.
Courts require both parties to disclose their financial situation. You don't have to rush this, but know that you will need to report your assets, debts, income, and expenses at some point.
Mediation can be cost-effective and less adversarial. Treat it like a business negotiation — and be wary of mediating while you're still emotionally entangled with your spouse.
Don't make any quick agreements. Speak with a lawyer as soon as possible — getting legal advice early can help you avoid expensive mistakes.
The DivorceBro app includes a 27-module course covering the legal process, the emotional journey, and how to build a life you're proud of. Free to download, free 7-day trial.
Divorce will reshape your financial reality. Take charge of your finances now and set a solid foundation for your future.
What assets do you have? What debts? What are your monthly income and expenses? Create a budget to manage your spending over the near term.
Monitor joint accounts closely to ensure no unexpected withdrawals occur. Some people empty joint accounts during divorce, leaving their spouse financially stranded — don't do this, and don't let it happen to you. Consider freezing joint accounts if necessary, and open accounts in your name to start building your own credit.
Talk to your investment advisor if you have one. Consider consulting with a Certified Divorce Financial Analyst (CDFA) or a financial advisor who specializes in divorce to understand the long-term impact of your decisions.
Take inventory of your financial situation and seek professional guidance before making any major moves.
Divorce is as challenging to the mind and body as any athletic event. Take care of yourself like an athlete — establish healthy habits to give you the stamina you'll need.
Aim for at least 7–8 hours of uninterrupted sleep per night. You may be more tired than usual because of the extra stress of divorce.
Fuel your body with balanced meals that include lean proteins, whole grains, fruits, and vegetables. Reduce your intake of alcohol and junk food.
Physical activity is a great way to manage stress, improve your mood, and boost overall health. Find an activity you enjoy.
Consider speaking to a therapist. Explore stress-relief practices like yoga, deep breathing, or journaling.
I'll be straight with you: you'll probably lose some friends during the divorce. Divorce scares people, and some may not be able to hack it. Choose healthy places to make new friends — athletic activities, religious services, men's groups (not bars). Try to make at least a couple of good male friends you can really talk to about personal topics.
Do healthy things you enjoy, like reading a good book or playing a sport. Take up a "divorce hobby" — something you've always wanted to do but didn't have time for.
Your mind and body are key resources you'll need to preserve during your divorce process. Treat them right.
There's a lot to do during a divorce — but you don't have to do it all at once. The key to navigating this period is to organize tasks by when they actually need to happen.
Tasks that have to happen right now. During the first days or weeks, you may already feel in your bones what needs to happen first. Start there.
Important but not urgent. Have them in mind, and put plans in place to address them when you're done with your NOW tasks.
These things have to happen eventually, but not now. Letting go of the stress around future tasks gives you more energy for what needs to happen today.
Tackle one step at a time and you'll get to the finish line. Don't waste precious energy thinking about things you won't need to do for a while.
With the right tools and support, you can navigate your divorce with confidence and integrity and find happiness on the other side.
Download the DivorceBro app now on iOS or Android.
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