I recently watched a continuing education webinar for certified divorce coaches where the presenter, a marriage coach, shared her approach to working with couples. She described her role as an “advocate for everything that’s possible for the relationship”—in other words, for staying married. While that may make sense when the clients are coming for support in healing their marriage, that is not the approach I take as a divorce coach.
My role isn’t to advocate for either marriage or divorce but rather to help my clients take the actions that align to their values and to what they want in their lives. If that means starting a new conversation with their spouse to work on the marriage, great. If it means initiating the process of divorce, that’s great too. There are many people in struggling marriages who could benefit from giving real consideration to whether staying together is truly in their best interest.
I would never tell a client they should get divorced, just as I would never tell them they should stay married. My job is to create space for them to explore their options and to support them in making the best decision for their own well-being. In contrast, the presenter in the webinar seemed to feel good about advocating for the possibility of staying married. While that might work for her, I see it as a biased perspective that risks doing harm.
Our society tends to elevate marriage as something that should only be terminated under the most extreme cases. This mindset creates pressure for people to stay in relationships that may be neither fulfilling nor healthy. It also reinforces the cultural view that divorce is a failure rather than a valid choice for growth and happiness.
For me, what matters most is that my clients find a path that leads them to fulfillment and peace. Whether that means remaining married or moving on is entirely up to them. My role isn’t to steer them in one direction but to help them navigate their choices with clarity and confidence. Divorce isn’t inherently good or bad—it’s just something that some people decide to do. No matter what my clients decide to do, I support them without bias or judgment.